i didn't know

I didn't know how hard it was to have my mother leave for England today.  My friends said, "Oh, now you will have 'free time'. 

"Free time?" 

Mom is easy.  She is not "free time."

About a month ago, Mom and I were sitting on the front porch, as usual.  Of course, she was re-living her cancer stories and I had had about enough. 

"Mom," I said.  "Why don't you visit Susan in England?"

"Do you think I could?" she asked.

"Of, course!  You've been in remission for a year.  You're as sharp as a tack. Of course you can do it.  Even though you are two years shy of 90, of course you can do it!"

And that settled that!  Thanks to Susan for arranging wheelchairs and luxury seating!

So, today, April 20, 2012, I drove Mom to the Gainesville airport for a two week visit to see Susan and Larry in England.

I didn't know how hard it would be for me.   I didn't know how empty I would feel after I came back home. 

I just didn't know.

I went to the porch around 3:00 p.m., as we always did.

I sat in my rocking chair and watched for birds; and then then I looked over at Mom's rocking chair. . . and I broke down crying.

My mom is my best friend. 

I realized I have to change my routine  while Mom is away so I don't fall apart.  Mom and I sat on the porches every day from 3:00-4:00 p.m., right before I began supper.

I tried my best to love the puppies today.  But, they would not settle in with me.

I didn't know how hard it would be to have my mother leave.

I just didn't know.

 

 

Comments

[susan]

This makes me so sad and so happy at the same time-what a wonderful family we have! I love you.

[Mary Anne Gilmer]

Mixed emotions for sure!