from the porches

Mama's Home

For one week and half a day Mom was put in Vista Pavillion for severe depression and anxiety.   I got a phone call today from one of Mom's doctors.  She told me Mom was doing better.  They've changed all of her medications, and I could pick her up at 2:00 p.m. 

I did that, and Mom chattered all the way home about the wonderful staff at Vista.  She told me on the way home about the "crazies" and the other nice young people she met there.  I was nervous about Mom coming home.  "Was she still crazy?" I thought.  "Is she still depressed?" I wondered.

But, we made it home, picked up her new medications, and came on in the house where Lily and Maggie nearly licked her to death.  Then Mama decided to rest.  I was relieved.  I know she has not been sleeping well at Vista because #1 . . . her crazy room mate and #2 nurses come in during the night to draw blood, etc.  Come to find out, when Mom was admitted to Vista a week ago, she was not only depressed, but was anemic.

I then went straight to the pharmacist in Fort White and picked up Mama's medications.  One problem.  They did not fill the depression medications for night, so I suggested they call North Florida Pharmacist in Branford; which they did; and by 5:30 I have all the meds Mom needs.

I ordered steaks, baked potatoes and salads from Nooners in Fort White.  Mama talked all through supper.  I told her I have to visit Truett tomorrow.  "Will you be okay?" I asked. 

"I suppose," she answered.  "Mama, you have to be.  Sit on the porch with the puppies.  Watch TV with the puppies, and before you know it, I will be home hopefully before 1:00 p.m.

Just trying to get some balance back in my life.

I'm so happy Mama is back home!  Tonight we are going to watch "Undercover Boss".  Our second best program next to NCIS.

 

Shadows

I've noticed shadows during the past two days.  Here are a few.

That's it!

 

 

Mom is Recovering

I visited Mom today at Vista.  What a surprise I had.  She was in the day-room when I arrived.  She had a smile on her face and waved me over.  Then we sat on a couch.  She was so chatty.  She told me she finally got a good night's sleep and didn't cry at all today and that she felt better than she has in a long time.  Evidentally, the medicines they are giving her help.  I'm just not certain in two days if she is completely well from her depression.

You know, most of Mom's life at my home (before depression), consisted of her spending much of the day sleeping or resting in her bed until the nightly news came on.  But, Mom has been socializing with the other people at Vista.  "See that man over there.  I gave him my cake today." 

And, "Oh, there's my roommate.  Let me introduce you to her."  Mama laughed a lot during my visit with her.  She can't wait to sit on the porches again.  She can't wait to see her puppies.

Maggie is the long haired daschund and Lily is the short haired daschund.

Since 2011, after Mom survived her cancer, I have tried to encourage her to socialize with the other older people only a half a block away.  Adamately, she said, "I don't want to be around a bunch of OLD PEOPLE!"  So basically, her life has consisted of me, Truett, Clay, her friend, Lil and her neighbor, Bob, who live in High Springs.  She only sees them occasionally.

But, today Mom told me that it came to her that she wanted to socialize at the retirement facility near our house.  I was shocked!  "That's great, Mom!"  She said she enjoyed meeting people at Vista and hearing some of their stories and of course, her telling them her stories.

I don't know when they are going to release Mom; but I hope it's not too early.  She is certainly on a high right now and very positive.  When I left, I asked if she was going to lay down and rest.  "Heavens no!  I'm going back to the day-room where my friends are!"  Flat out amazing!

I want to thank all the doctors at Vista who have given Mom a new look on life.  I also want to thank all of my friends who have sent up prayers for Mom's recovery.  I believe in prayer!

Love you all,

Merry

A Very Long Day

Today Merry Jennifer and I met with Truett's case workers.  Basically, he is not motivated to do anything.  Some days he says, "I don't want to get dressed."  And they cannot force him to do so.

Merry Jennifer and I wanted to hear from the staff exactly what Truett could do or not do, simply because he says he does everything they want him to do.  Not true!  I think this was a sense of closure for Merry Jennifer than for me because I knew before admitting him to Gainesville Health Care Center that his needs were greater than I could provide for him.  Truett says his Lion's Club members are his first priority, not being Mayor of Fort White.  He really needs a few friends to visit him.  I have always know that  Lion Cub members came before me.  I've known that for several years.

In the meantime, I had Mom wait in the lobby because of her outrageous depression.  Around noon, Mom was admitted to the Shands Emergency Room.  We waited there for five hours.  Finally, Mom was admitted to Vista Pavillion, where, hopefully, they will get her depression under control. 

You see, my mom is a stubbord woman.  She felt fine; therefore, she wouldn't take here depression meds.  Then with Sherry and Quinn's wreck, and Quinn passing, and Oklahoma tornado devastation, and maybe a full moon . . . Who knows. . .  Mom fell in the deepest depression I've ever seen her in.

Today, after five hours in the Emergency Room at Shands, they released Mom.  Then we spent another hour at Vista Pavillion to get her admitted.  Oh, my Lord!  It was  a  very long day.

So I came home to a house where cats and puppies needed my love.  I watched two episodes of NCIS by myself, and that was strange.  That didn't seem right at all.  I did wander out on the porch and saw the full moon, but the lighting wasn't right, so I didn't photograph it.

I've locked everything down and I'm thinking, "Wow! Today was a very long day!"  Truett is where he needs to be.  Mom is where she needs to be."

Thank you, GOD!

A Short Leash

Since last Thursday I have been dealing with Mom's depression and impending doom!  Her medicines were upped, but her life as she knew it has changed.  First of all, Mom use to spend most of her day napping or resting in her bed.  The medication she is taking now has her up at 8:30 A.M. and wide awake all day, with her mind racing.  When I ask what she is thinking about, she cannot tell me.

We sit on the front porch a lot, but I can't take much more of that.  I have dishes to wash, laundry to do, etc.  I went to my psychologist today and Mom was the focus of my talk.  This latest episode has changed my life.  I didn't realize I liked it when Mom stayed in the bed most of the day.  Then I could be gone for hours, you know . . . Atlanta, Savannah, Macon.  (of the number of hours I could spend out and about without worrying about Mom.)  Clay and I could go to a movie or shopping after visiting Truett.

But now I am on a short leash.  Since Mom is up all day long I felt the need to go to my Psychologist and hurry home.  Then we sit on the porch for a while and that's not enough.  She wants to go somewhere . . . anywhere.  Then that throws me for a loop because that's what I used to do with Truett.  Get him out of the house.  Go to the river.  Go somewhere.  Anywhere.

Yesterday, I took Mom to the Great Outdoors Restaurant around 1:00 P.M..  Today I took her to Rum Island.  I am praying her meds take affect soon. She is not used to so many "waking hours" and I'm not either. 

My leash is very short  Hurry.  Get back. Sit on the porch.  Go somewhere.  Get back.  We're just waiting until 6:30 news around here and then our regular TV programs. Hopefully, that includes NCIS or Funniest Home Videos.

Is this Punky?

This is a photograph of Merry Jennifer's Mother's Day card to me.  I looked at that cat and thought, "That's Punky, but I don't recognize the chair." 

Hmmmm!  Interesting.

Now, this is Punky.  Look back at the first picture and notice the tufts. 

Did someone come in my home and photograph my boy?

Go Away and Relax

I received two Mother's Day cards on Monday.  Tina's card read: Go Away!  Wishing you all the downtime you deserve!  Merry Jennifer's card said:  It's Mother's Day!  Why not try something different?  Like relax! 

I have not been on a vacation since October, 2010.  I mulled over those two messages on the cards and by Monday night I had made arrangements for my friend to spend Wednesday night with Mom and the animal crew, and on Wednesday morning Clay and I were headed to Crescent Beach.  Our goal was to Go Away and Relax! 

The first thing we did after checking in our hotel was rush to the balcony and watch the ocean's waves crashing on the shore.  We watched teenagers playing sand football, surf boarders trying to ride the waves, and parents helping their children make sandcastles.  Some parents of toddlers, I thought, needed to keep a stricter eye on their children, because from my balcony I could see the next building wave.

My sister called me on the drive overand said, "Remember.  Breathe in with your nose and smell the flowers. . .

Then breathe out and blow out the candle!" Sherry and I are both shallow breathers and she has learned this technique from rehab. 

So as I sat on the balcony in the cool breeze and salt air and I did practice my breathing.  Eventually, Clay took a nap and I felt lonely.  But, I remembered me throwing my James Patterson book in my suitcase as an afterthought, so I read on the balcony in the cool breeze and salt air.  I haven't been able to concentrate since being a caregiver; and I'm having to make myself take the time to read.  I did at the beach.  Now, I am just waiting to see how long it takes me here at home to be able to concentrate on reading again.

Lots and lots of dogs at the beach!

But, let me tell you about this couple.  I saw them walking down the hotel stairs, the man carrying a brown dog in his arms.  I thought nothing of it until I saw him carrying the dog across the boardwalk, down the stairs and to their chairs.  With my long lens on my Nikon (YEA!), I realized the dog had no back legs  . . . only wheels attached to his back to help him walk.  Rehab once again.  Thank goodness for caregivers!  Tears came to my eyes because that couple cared enough to take care of the dog and take him to the beach to Get Away and Relax!

Clay and I enjoyed our overnight stay at Crescent Beach, although he did tell me he would have more fun if a friend of his had gone.  He suggested we walk on the beach toward dusk.  I said, "Clay, I can hardly walk on solid ground in daylight, what with my bad knee and being almost 70 next month.  You go walk and I will watch you."  He didn't.  Instead, he went swimming in the pool.

This was an interesting sight; and with two people with active imaginations, it caused for a somewhat restless night.

Did I Go Away and Relax?  Yes.  However, this morning Clay and I were home before noon.  Home sweet home.  Back to reality.

PS.  Thanks Tina and Merry Jennifer for the appropriate Mother's Day cards!

 



 

 

not shaving my legs

Tomorrow Clay and I are taking an overnight vacation.  The first vacation I've had since 2010.  We're going to St. Augustine Beach, and with a wing and a prayer, we will find a hotel to stay in.  It might be sleezy, but I don't care because I have my Nikon back.

Clay and I haven't been to the beach in years, so this will be good for us.  He said, "Can I ask a friend?"  What do you think MY reaction was?  "NO!  I'm not paying for a third person!" 

My friend, Deanna Landrum, will come stay with Mom and Roger and Punky and Maggie and Lily.  Thank you, Deanna.  I warned her that there may be poop or pee on the floors because Mom can't always get the dogs out.  Oh, well.  She will clean my home next week.

I've gotten my Nikon back and am recharging extra batteries.  I want to photograph a sunrise, a sunset, dolphins, boats, and who knows what else.  I'm excited. I'm not expecting anything from the trip. I just want to live in the moment. I just want to be led to nature's beauty.

But, best of all, I'm not shaving my legs because I will not be in a bathing suit . . .not on a bet.

Mother's Day with Truett

I visited Truett alone today.  That's always iffy because of his dementia issues.  I think I found the appropriate time to visit:  10:30-11:00 a.m. on the weekends. Truett wasn't dressed because it was the weekend. Monday through Friday Truett would be dressed and at rehab of some sort.

We held hands for a long while, but then he wanted to play...play bite my fingers.  "No!  You cannot do that!" and I withdrew my hand. 

"Take me home!" Truett said; and once again, I explained that his level of care was greater than I could give him at home.  He doesn't understand it, though. I told him I had PTSD and he told me I was just lazy.  Then we both laughed.

I told him it was Mother's Day and he kissed my fingertips, then he wanted to grope me.  Finally, I said, "I've got to go to the grocery.  Get your rest."  And I left.  A thirty minute visit was all I could take.

 

 

PTSD

 

 

 

 

I went to my psychologist today and a few interesting things came out.  First, of all, last week I had just gotten back from Kentucky, my new motto was Nevermore, and I was calm.  No shaking, no quivers.  Just calm and a sense of peace and tranquility.

Today was different and the doctor could tell.  My hands were shaking again and I felt totally disconnected to the real world.  I told her I was beginning to take care of my health since probably 2009; but she could tell there was something more.  Eventually, as I hopped from topic to topic, and mostly refocusing on Truett, she said, I think you are experiencing Post traumatic stress disorder.  And I said I felt like I was.

One clue: 

I cannot go to the river and take photographs... too many traumatic memories of Truett yelling at me about my driving. 

I will not eat in certain restaurants anymore.  Too many silenced meals or outbursts. 

I cannot finish reading a book anymore. Zilch on concentration. 

No, it's  the little things.  We briefly discussed that it may take months or years for me to find my life again.  I told the doctor that I felt myself Snap on the night I called 911 to take Truett to a facility. 

I try to breathe in and exhale.  I pray.  But, I know I'm not right emotionally.