I went to my psychologist today and a few interesting things came out. First, of all, last week I had just gotten back from Kentucky, my new motto was Nevermore, and I was calm. No shaking, no quivers. Just calm and a sense of peace and tranquility.
Today was different and the doctor could tell. My hands were shaking again and I felt totally disconnected to the real world. I told her I was beginning to take care of my health since probably 2009; but she could tell there was something more. Eventually, as I hopped from topic to topic, and mostly refocusing on Truett, she said, I think you are experiencing Post traumatic stress disorder. And I said I felt like I was.
One clue:
I cannot go to the river and take photographs... too many traumatic memories of Truett yelling at me about my driving.
I will not eat in certain restaurants anymore. Too many silenced meals or outbursts.
I cannot finish reading a book anymore. Zilch on concentration.
No, it's the little things. We briefly discussed that it may take months or years for me to find my life again. I told the doctor that I felt myself Snap on the night I called 911 to take Truett to a facility.
I try to breathe in and exhale. I pray. But, I know I'm not right emotionally.
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