How I give pills to my cat, Roger:
1. Find Roger. Look on the porches. Look under the hanging clothes. Check under Mom's bed. No need to check the refrigerator. That happened when he was a kitten.
2. Sweet talk Roger. "Hey big boy. It's time for your medicine. Yeah, you're a good kitty."
3. Reach down and pick up this forty-two pound cat and carry him to the round oak table in the small dining room.
4. Sit down in a chair with Roger's back to my chest and take a deep breath and then exhale.
5. With my left thumb and middle finger, grasp Roger's jaws and pry his mouth open. I have to keep a watch-out for his claws that are now hooked into the oak table and my left arm.
6. Shove a pill into Roger's mouth while he gags and drools thick phlegm out of his mouth. Wipe the phlegm off of my blouse. . . and off of Roger's mouth and throat.
7. Reassure Roger he is a good boy even though I have claw pricks on my left arm which are now bleeding. "Yes, you're a good boy, Roger. Yes, you are."
8. Wipe Roger's drool with a kitchen towel and repeat the process two more times.
9. Once again, reassure Roger he is a good boy. "Good boy, Roger. We'll soon be done. Just a couple of days left, buddy."
10. Place Roger carefully on the floor and fix a stiff drink, wipe the spots of blood off of my arm, and collapse!
Pill popping is not fun for me or Roger.
Comments